nSd@hlia

i know that closeness in a relationship really matters to some people - be it family relationship or relationship between friends etc. but can we actually retain the closeness that we might once feel forever? It is not impossible in real life, but i would say that it is rather difficult. Through my experience, it is almost impossible and i have decided not to be bothered and weep over it.

My life keeps moving on from a phase to another. I believe nobody would have experienced the same phase of life until his last breath. Of course, this will bring changes to your life and the people around you will not be the same people that you used to meet everyday.


For one long period, you might be clinging to a group of friends and you would have grown fond of them and at that point of time, you would feel like there were nothing that could tear you apart and this is the time when the phrase "Friends Forever" became some sort of a chain that links you together. Hugging, teasing each other, giving advice, sharing problems, talking about love crushes and hanging out became part and parcel of your friendship which created the closeness among you and your friends.

But then, life never stayed as it was and started to change and it built a growing distance which brought you apart from the ones whom you once cheerfully called friends, snatching away the closeness. And in your current phase of life, strangers are becoming your new friend and your friends are becoming more or less like strangers.

As people say life is a circle, it now turns around again and the strangers who had become your friends become strangers once again. That's how it is. You might still be friends since you are still holding on to the phrase "Friends Forever" but the closeness, either you realize it or not, has diminished. It just happen. It's normal. Nobody should be blamed.

and that is why i refuse to weep over it because i have a life to catch up with and a future to create. i am not saying that i want to forget all my old friends. no way, they are so important to me. i am just saying that it is ok to reminisce some sweet memories because it will put a smile onto your lips. But hoping the memories to become a real thing once again is pointless. Memories only belong to the past. and the past will remain in the past.

lately, my life has been very occupied with different things to do - presentations, assignments, mooting and choir. Some of them are individual tasks and some others are group tasks. so, when it comes to a group task, full commitment is a priority.

i was quite pissed off recently when some of my grp members - be it presentations, assignments, or choir - simply decided to go back home when they are needed the most. seriously, this annoys me a lot! but then again, i cannot set others' first priority. i am not in the position to interfere with their personal lives. i have no right to say wht they should do and what they shouldnt. i cannot simply abstain them from doing things that i dislike.

perhaps, they have sth else that is more important. sorry to those who feel offended with what i wrote and what i said... im trying to understand.

so, the programme ended yesterday at around 7 pm. it was quite late and i felt so tired.... and sad. i went back with a certificate and shame. at the end of the day, no matter how ppl look up on me and how good they think i am, i never think so. i am just an average person, i make mistakes a lot and i wasnt at my best level all the time.

what makes me feel sad yesterday, apart from leaving the nice bedroom (heee~), was my failure to show my best. we had a mooting practice yesterday with one of the speakers and i felt down because i was incapable of presenting my arguments on the case given. i could not even answer the simple questions the speakers were asking. it was a great shame for a law student. it was as if i do not know anything about the basics of law. it was as if i never learn this subject. it was disappointing when i feel that i am so stupid and that brought me to tears. yes, i cried after giving my short and pointless oral submission. childish... i know.

as disappointing as it was, it was not enough to make me give up mooting. up till now, i still do not think that i am qualified to become a mooter, but i want to improve myself till i reach that level. i have to work hard for that - by not letting go the opportunity.

and i also have to work hard to prove to myself that it was never a mistake when i decided to take this course at this university. i have been too ignorant, but now, although it is already too late, i have to start working harder. it is a cliche to say that it is better late than never, but afterall, it is true.

even though many of us think that we should work smart, not work hard. but i will take a different view. we have to work hard in a smart way and that is what i need to do, beginning from now.

I MUST...

as we grow older, the room for improvement becomes bigger :)